Mediocrity : Through the Darkness


by Cypher Lx on 06/13/11

13 June 2011


I am not a twenty-something.  I am not willing to objectify myself by revealing as much flesh as possible to please those who look at my photos.  I am happily married.  I work in a career in which my public behavior outside of the workplace can damage my employment status.  I write books that are not dumbed down for the masses or contain steamy sex scenes just to pull in readership.  I walk a lot of fine lines that I refuse to cross.  All of these things work against me in one way or another.

In modeling, age always works against you.  Once someone finds out how old you are, you become condemned to the "too old" pile.  It doesn't matter how young you look or act.  It's the twenty-somethings that always get the attention.  And the more flesh you show the better, including implied nudity.  Granted, I am happy with my looks, but I do not feel the need to expose myself gratuitously.  Some of the sexiest photos I have seen, the model was fully clothed.  The fact that a woman is happily married works against her in the industry as well.  Men who look at her feel that she is unattainable.  Guess what?  The woman was unattainable before you found out her marital status.  Now, some may argue that because I model, I am objectifying myself.  But I'd like to point out that I see what I do as an art form.  If it is done tastefully, it's art.  That's why I won't conform to what other people want to see.

And then we come to the writing.  I can't tell you how frustrated I am with the whole thing.  Or how many times I've considered not finishing The Cold of Night because, despite what people tell me to my face, the actions do not match the words.  There is a series of books that I'm attempting to read right now due to all the rave reviews I have gotten from others who have read the books.  I can't stand these books and am having a difficult time finishing each one.  It feels like mental torture.  The repetitiveness is overwhelming.  I feel as if the author doubts my intellectual level and thinks that I can't remember what she said in the last chapter, much less the last book.  And for God's sake, pick up a thesaurus.  The sex scenes are, dare I say, mediocre and completely unnecessary.  First off, if you feel the need to have sex scenes (pretty much a requirement for romance novels), at least make them interesting.  But secondly, if the sex scenes outnumber the plot scenes to the point where you almost can't remember what the plot was, there are way too many.  Yet, these novels are immensely popular.  This is the type of trash I am competing against.  I have very involved plotlines and only use implied intimacy to convey a relationship.  Again, I refuse to rewrite everything to what the masses want.  If I did that, I would have no desire to write anymore. What would be the point? To be like every other novelist out there that follows some common formula?

There inlies the problem.  I won't settle for mediocrity.  Yet everyone else seems to be.  Models are all doing the same thing and if the public wants to see more flesh, they show more flesh.  Writers who aren't very good have become extremely popular because they write what every other better author has already written, but in a slightly different way.  I want people to use their imaginations when looking at my pictures and use their intelligence when reading my books.  I'm sick of mediocrity.

"Nothing is as approved as mediocrity, the majority has established it and it fixes it fangs on whatever gets beyond it either way."
Blaise Pascal

Come on people! Dare to be different!


Obviously, I need to add a disclaimer, since people take things personally. This is all about mainstream industry. It is also about comments that have been made to me on several occasions by people who are superficial and can't get it through their heads that models and artists actually have brains. I have been verbally assaulted on many occasions for my creative choices. If you take any of this personally, it wasn't intended that way. But if you don't like my rants, don't read them. Seriously, everyone on FB bitches about how awful their lives are on a daily basis. Post one thing that is vague, and everyone jumps on it.

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